Winjennster just told everyone you blamed your real sister for what you did as Amy Player, then when she found out [sister's] real name, you lied and said Amy was her middle name. So much for you "mental illness" excuse. You expect us to believe you're so crazy you don't know your sister's name? Jenn asked your mom about it and she confirmed YOU were Amy, not [sister's name], so good job on botching that bullshit story.
No, I knew damned well my sister’s name. I lied, and it was one of the biggest specific I-can-point-to-that turning points since I started therapy. When I was first confronted about the stuff about my past online, I panicked. I had a group of friends that I valued hugely and who only knew me as Andy, and I felt like I would rather shove hot coals up my nostrils than have them know I was AFAB, much less the stuff I’d done. I still loathed myself for the former and hadn’t even begun to forgive myself for the latter, and I felt like if they knew, they’d be disgusted by me on multiple levels and walk away. So as I said, I panicked and I told a stupid, ridiculous lie to try to make it go away.
It (obviously) didn’t work and (in hindsight just as obviously) backfired, and I almost lost all my friends, but their reactions were a huge eye-opener. They really, truly, honestly didn’t give a shit about the things I was afraid they would, still knew I was 100% a guy, and were only upset that I’d lied. So I came clean about that and a lot of other shit, and a few months later was able to gather up and do it in public as well…and again, the general reaction mirrored what theirs had been. Sometimes, you face your fears - even if you have to be dragged to it kicking and screaming - and not only are they not so bad, you discover you’ve been doing 3000% more damage to yourself and others out of your fear of them.
Not all of that damage was reparable, but as I said, it was a turning point (one of several but one of the biggest, because lying and feeling like I had to hide who I was in so many ways had been SO MUCH a part of my life for so long that it was damned near reflexive), and for the past fourteen months since I got called out on that and had to face the music, it’s been a sometimes scarier but much better place on all possible counts to own who I was and has helped me not continue the destructive patterns. Ironically, I was clinging to a lot of the same patterns that had made me the person I was so ashamed of out of shame at having been that person, but although recovery isn’t a “wake up and suddenly you’re totally better” thing, I’m definitely leaving that person behind more every day.
Andy admits he blamed his real sister for his abuse of others
Winjennster just told everyone you blamed your real sister for what you did as Amy Player, then when she found out [sister's] real name, you lied and said Amy was her middle name. So much for you "mental illness" excuse. You expect us to believe you're so crazy you don't know your sister's name? Jenn asked your mom about it and she confirmed YOU were Amy, not [sister's name], so good job on botching that bullshit story.
No, I knew damned well my sister’s name. I lied, and it was one of the biggest specific I-can-point-to-that turning points since I started therapy. When I was first confronted about the stuff about my past online, I panicked. I had a group of friends that I valued hugely and who only knew me as Andy, and I felt like I would rather shove hot coals up my nostrils than have them know I was AFAB, much less the stuff I’d done. I still loathed myself for the former and hadn’t even begun to forgive myself for the latter, and I felt like if they knew, they’d be disgusted by me on multiple levels and walk away. So as I said, I panicked and I told a stupid, ridiculous lie to try to make it go away.
It (obviously) didn’t work and (in hindsight just as obviously) backfired, and I almost lost all my friends, but their reactions were a huge eye-opener. They really, truly, honestly didn’t give a shit about the things I was afraid they would, still knew I was 100% a guy, and were only upset that I’d lied. So I came clean about that and a lot of other shit, and a few months later was able to gather up and do it in public as well…and again, the general reaction mirrored what theirs had been. Sometimes, you face your fears - even if you have to be dragged to it kicking and screaming - and not only are they not so bad, you discover you’ve been doing 3000% more damage to yourself and others out of your fear of them.
Not all of that damage was reparable, but as I said, it was a turning point (one of several but one of the biggest, because lying and feeling like I had to hide who I was in so many ways had been SO MUCH a part of my life for so long that it was damned near reflexive), and for the past fourteen months since I got called out on that and had to face the music, it’s been a sometimes scarier but much better place on all possible counts to own who I was and has helped me not continue the destructive patterns. Ironically, I was clinging to a lot of the same patterns that had made me the person I was so ashamed of out of shame at having been that person, but although recovery isn’t a “wake up and suddenly you’re totally better” thing, I’m definitely leaving that person behind more every day.