Look, I’m saying this publicly and while I’m clear-headed. I do not need to be in a relationship right now. In fact, it would be an extremely, extremely bad idea. I am not in anything remotely resembling a place where I could be anyone’s partner in an egalitarian and constructive way, not to mention that I am still so far from over Brittany and have already tried the bad idea of seeing if I could force someone else to conform to that gaping hole in my heart (protip: humans don’t work like that).
But I’m a Gryffindor. An idealist. I love me my Big Causes, and I have a tremendously hard time doing things for myself. It feels wrong. Especially when there’s this much effort involved and it sometimes involves saying no to things other people want from me. I’m really, really, really bad at no. Incredibly bad at no. I kind of have a tendency even to volunteer yeses that other people haven’t asked for and I sometimes can’t even fulfill if I even think someone might suspect I might be considering saying no, regardless of how much no would be entirely appropriate.
As a result, the temptation is really, really, really strong right now to find someone to make myself fall in love with so that I can do all this for them and say a lot of yes. Which is actually an incredibly unhealthy basis for a relationship, and one of the things I’m working on with my therapist is that other than Brittany, all of my relationships have been this kind of goddamn it if need be I will force you to let me serve you and sacrifice myself for your dreams because I’ve had tremendous self-confidence and almost no self-worth and believed no matter how awesome I may be, I only have value and can only earn existing via what I can do for others.
So why am I saying this? Because I’m asking for outside help on three things.
1: Until future notice - and at the very least the end of the year - if I get a girlfriend or start to say I’ve fallen in love or think I’m falling in love, someone punch me in the face until I come to my senses.
2: If I fuck up and try to move past friendship with any of you? Particularly if you in any way resemble something that could be in any way interpreted as a damsel in distress or a noble cause or a heroic quest? Again, please punch me in the face until I come to my senses. And say no. Please. I will respect no, even if I’m in the middle of stupid.
3. Ditto if I try to give any ridiculously, outlandishly huge gifts or gestures that you don’t actually need (except the carrot you and I are doing together, Karen, that’s different).Like, if your house burns down and you have six kids dying of cancer, sure, please, let me help with the relief effort. But if your car is just kinda shitty and you complain about it on your blog and I suddenly try to get you a new one? Say. No. Please.
There is the Daydverse, there is GISHWHES and Random Acts, there is work and school and convention and meta and let’s be blunt; it’s the internet, there’s plenty of free porn.
I do not need a girlfriend to be a light at the end of the tunnel.
Women are people, not causes. I know this.
I do not need a girlfriend to be a light at the end of the tunnel.
Women are people, not causes. I know this.
I do not need a girlfriend to be a light at the end of the tunnel.
Andy places responsibility on his followers to fend off potential romantic advances
DON’T get me to the church on time
Look, I’m saying this publicly and while I’m clear-headed. I do not need to be in a relationship right now. In fact, it would be an extremely, extremely bad idea. I am not in anything remotely resembling a place where I could be anyone’s partner in an egalitarian and constructive way, not to mention that I am still so far from over Brittany and have already tried the bad idea of seeing if I could force someone else to conform to that gaping hole in my heart (protip: humans don’t work like that).
But I’m a Gryffindor. An idealist. I love me my Big Causes, and I have a tremendously hard time doing things for myself. It feels wrong. Especially when there’s this much effort involved and it sometimes involves saying no to things other people want from me. I’m really, really, really bad at no. Incredibly bad at no. I kind of have a tendency even to volunteer yeses that other people haven’t asked for and I sometimes can’t even fulfill if I even think someone might suspect I might be considering saying no, regardless of how much no would be entirely appropriate.
As a result, the temptation is really, really, really strong right now to find someone to make myself fall in love with so that I can do all this for them and say a lot of yes. Which is actually an incredibly unhealthy basis for a relationship, and one of the things I’m working on with my therapist is that other than Brittany, all of my relationships have been this kind of goddamn it if need be I will force you to let me serve you and sacrifice myself for your dreams because I’ve had tremendous self-confidence and almost no self-worth and believed no matter how awesome I may be, I only have value and can only earn existing via what I can do for others.
So why am I saying this? Because I’m asking for outside help on three things.
1: Until future notice - and at the very least the end of the year - if I get a girlfriend or start to say I’ve fallen in love or think I’m falling in love, someone punch me in the face until I come to my senses.
2: If I fuck up and try to move past friendship with any of you? Particularly if you in any way resemble something that could be in any way interpreted as a damsel in distress or a noble cause or a heroic quest? Again, please punch me in the face until I come to my senses. And say no. Please. I will respect no, even if I’m in the middle of stupid.
3. Ditto if I try to give any ridiculously, outlandishly huge gifts or gestures that you don’t actually need (except the carrot you and I are doing together, Karen, that’s different).Like, if your house burns down and you have six kids dying of cancer, sure, please, let me help with the relief effort. But if your car is just kinda shitty and you complain about it on your blog and I suddenly try to get you a new one? Say. No. Please.
There is the Daydverse, there is GISHWHES and Random Acts, there is work and school and convention and meta and let’s be blunt; it’s the internet, there’s plenty of free porn.
I do not need a girlfriend to be a light at the end of the tunnel.
Women are people, not causes. I know this.
I do not need a girlfriend to be a light at the end of the tunnel.
Women are people, not causes. I know this.
I do not need a girlfriend to be a light at the end of the tunnel.
I really, really don’t.