In response to other anon calling your post manipulative, I (as another human who likes you and thinks you're p cool) believe that it was an explanation that opens the way for forgiveness, though not forgetfulness. I'm aware of some of the things you've done now to an extent, and I am using that awareness in knowing you. But I am not condemning you for something that's in past, when you're so obviously trying to move away from it. Grounds for forgiveness, but staying aware, if that makes sense. Anonymous
The forgiveness I’m grateful for, but really it was mostly about awareness. I want people to be able to recognize that shit in themselves and others and keep an eye out for it in me. I also think that it’s more helpful to understand where that kind of shit can come from because while “He’s EEEEEeeeEEEEVIL and just does it for the BWAHAHAHA of it!” can make you feel very safe and superior…it can also put you in a lot of danger because it makes you feel safe and superior.
I believed all that. To the bottom of my soul. I literally put my life on the line for it more than once. People who had been warned that I was a “con man” or “scam artist” or “liar” or “serial abuser” wound up in awful, fucked-up relationships with me because they looked into my eyes and knew that I loved them and only wanted the best for them and to help them and that I was letting them in on deeply personal secrets about Great Truths and real world magical superpowers that gave them a chance to literally live part of their favorite fantasy worlds…and that I meant every fucking word with utter sincerity signed in blood with my heart on my sleeve. They wound up hurt because they were warned about the wrong thing.
They didn’t need to be told “he’s a monster who will cut you and throw salt on you and set you on fire to get his kicks,” because they could see for themselves I wasn’t that kind of person, so the warning got discarded. They needed to be told “he believes in monsters and doesn’t understand SPN isn’t real, and will think he’s saving you when he suddenly hallucinates your eyes going black; don’t wind up reliving 5.02.”
They were told about a wolf. They had their checklists and field guides and were watching for a wolf. They got bit by a rabid Yorkie because they’d been given the wrong descriptions.
I am not saying “I didn’t do the bad thing.” I’m saying I didn’t do THAT bad thing and that if you want to protect yourself and others from not only me but any mentally ill person with delusional beliefs, THIS is the bad thing you need to watch out for.
Anon ask in response to that post
Anonymous
The forgiveness I’m grateful for, but really it was mostly about awareness. I want people to be able to recognize that shit in themselves and others and keep an eye out for it in me. I also think that it’s more helpful to understand where that kind of shit can come from because while “He’s EEEEEeeeEEEEVIL and just does it for the BWAHAHAHA of it!” can make you feel very safe and superior…it can also put you in a lot of danger because it makes you feel safe and superior.
I believed all that. To the bottom of my soul. I literally put my life on the line for it more than once. People who had been warned that I was a “con man” or “scam artist” or “liar” or “serial abuser” wound up in awful, fucked-up relationships with me because they looked into my eyes and knew that I loved them and only wanted the best for them and to help them and that I was letting them in on deeply personal secrets about Great Truths and real world magical superpowers that gave them a chance to literally live part of their favorite fantasy worlds…and that I meant every fucking word with utter sincerity signed in blood with my heart on my sleeve. They wound up hurt because they were warned about the wrong thing.
They didn’t need to be told “he’s a monster who will cut you and throw salt on you and set you on fire to get his kicks,” because they could see for themselves I wasn’t that kind of person, so the warning got discarded. They needed to be told “he believes in monsters and doesn’t understand SPN isn’t real, and will think he’s saving you when he suddenly hallucinates your eyes going black; don’t wind up reliving 5.02.”
They were told about a wolf. They had their checklists and field guides and were watching for a wolf. They got bit by a rabid Yorkie because they’d been given the wrong descriptions.
I am not saying “I didn’t do the bad thing.” I’m saying I didn’t do THAT bad thing and that if you want to protect yourself and others from not only me but any mentally ill person with delusional beliefs, THIS is the bad thing you need to watch out for.