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There’s a part of me, there always has been, that desperately knows what group I belong with, and that hungers to shine among them. It gets shivers from Lady Gaga and tries not to let anyone see me cry during Rent and snuck out in the middle of the night to wander around parts of cities where It was happening like a starving man pressing his hands to the restaurant window. I could do it, I know it. I could be one of those shining, dazzling rocket-beacons of people. I have the talent in a dozen areas, I have the style, the guts, the charisma, the thick skin, the passion.
But there are a lot of those.
It’s not that I’m afraid my bang and flash would be lost in the perpetual Guy Fawkes Day/Fourth of July of celebrity, it’s that there are already enough of those for the people who are looking at the sky to see and admire and chase, and they have to by definition stay aloft.
It’s that I’ve seen all the people down on the ground who are crouched in holes and under things and in closets, and they’re scared and hurting and needing and they don’t believe there’s a sky, much less fireworks. I’d rather take my light and use it like an emergency flare, like a rescue worker’s flashlight, and go find people and guide them out and release them into the world where they can have their own sky and sunlight and do whatever they want without fear…and then go back down the hole and get another.
It’s my choice, to spend all my time underground, indoors, quietly coaxing those who deserve so much more than they are afraid is all they can be. Someone has to do it, and I have penance to pay.
But sometimes, in between trips under, I forget to keep my eyes downcast, the sparkle fills my eyes, and I catch myself with a tight throat and all I can do is slap myself back down again, take a deep breath, and hope that maybe 30 will be old enough for that to start to die, because everyone says those kind of wants are for the young.
Re: "I'm not famous only because I pity normal people too much, and they need me."
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"I'm not famous only because I pity normal people too much, and they need me."
(Anonymous) 2015-04-11 03:08 am (UTC)(link)Dreams and Priorities
There’s a part of me, there always has been, that desperately knows what group I belong with, and that hungers to shine among them. It gets shivers from Lady Gaga and tries not to let anyone see me cry during Rent and snuck out in the middle of the night to wander around parts of cities where It was happening like a starving man pressing his hands to the restaurant window. I could do it, I know it. I could be one of those shining, dazzling rocket-beacons of people. I have the talent in a dozen areas, I have the style, the guts, the charisma, the thick skin, the passion.
But there are a lot of those.
It’s not that I’m afraid my bang and flash would be lost in the perpetual Guy Fawkes Day/Fourth of July of celebrity, it’s that there are already enough of those for the people who are looking at the sky to see and admire and chase, and they have to by definition stay aloft.
It’s that I’ve seen all the people down on the ground who are crouched in holes and under things and in closets, and they’re scared and hurting and needing and they don’t believe there’s a sky, much less fireworks. I’d rather take my light and use it like an emergency flare, like a rescue worker’s flashlight, and go find people and guide them out and release them into the world where they can have their own sky and sunlight and do whatever they want without fear…and then go back down the hole and get another.
It’s my choice, to spend all my time underground, indoors, quietly coaxing those who deserve so much more than they are afraid is all they can be. Someone has to do it, and I have penance to pay.
But sometimes, in between trips under, I forget to keep my eyes downcast, the sparkle fills my eyes, and I catch myself with a tight throat and all I can do is slap myself back down again, take a deep breath, and hope that maybe 30 will be old enough for that to start to die, because everyone says those kind of wants are for the young.
Re: "I'm not famous only because I pity normal people too much, and they need me."
(Anonymous) 2015-04-18 08:42 pm (UTC)(link)This was posted December 4, 2011.