I've just learned to check, because sometimes I am just idly discussing possibilities, and then belatedly find out the other person is feeling upset because we're arguing.
Oooh boy, do I know what you mean!
I mean, I have heard opinions ranging from "fine with my body even if it isn't what I'd have preferred" to "hate it and want to change it," but no trans person I've ever spoken to has sounded as if they hate their whole SELF.
Same here. I've never met or heard of a trans person who hated every single aspect of themselves just because they were trans (depression is another matter, whether or not it was initially created/encouraged by the gender dysphoria). There are a few trans people who are overwhelmed with *anger* towards people/society/their family/their friends/whoever and even themselves sometimes, because of how hard being trans makes their life in general. There are also too many trans people who are overcome with *despair*, convinced they will never find lasting happiness because being trans will always mess everything up, no matter what they try to do. And there can be internalized shame, too, including in trans people who are out and live as their true gender, but I've never seen it lead to such extensive and complete self-hatred. Andy is utterly unique in my experience in that regard, which is why I'm convinced that while being trans might be one factor among many for his self-hatred, it cannot be THE factor for it.
the number of things he'll hide/lie about/present a pretend version of is all over the map. Politics; degree of attraction to people; what he really thinks of particular body types; authors he admires...I've seen him lie about all of it. It's weird.
I don't know, it seems logical to me, in its own way. The way I see it, Andy doesn't want to be anyone in particular: he just wants to be Special. So he adapts himself to his current social environment, changing whichever parts of his exterior fake identity don't fit well enough to garner him the admiration he seeks. Almost *nothing* we've seen of him at any time has been real. Almost all of it has been fake, aimed at attracting the attention of the crowd he was in at that moment.
I think that's why it's so easy for him to flatly deny stuff he's done, and constantly rewrite history: because it's true that the character he's playing today, never did what that other character he was playing back then did. It's true! Who he pretends to be now never did what happened back then. It was someone else, another person he was pretending to be. And it wouldn't be fair to hold his present character responsible for the sins of his previous character, would it? He *knows* that's considered cheating by us lowly human beings, but 1) he doesn't care to play by our rules (quite the contrary: he expects us to accept to be ruled by his desires), and 2) he knows this tactic works on enough people anyway. So he plays it 110% and keeps getting away with everything. Why would he change a tactic that works so beautifully well?
I'm only talking about his *exterior* personality, though. Basically, he puts on characters like he puts on cosplay, but that doesn't change who he fundamentally is. The problem is that since he absolutely doesn't want to be himself, he's never out of costume. He's cosplaying 24/7, so we have to look at the common trends among his many characters to figure out what belongs to the real him. After 15 years of internet presence, it's starting to become obvious which same obsessions keep re-appearing: extreme misogyny, including body-shaming for *every* type of female body and blatant Madonna-Whore Complex; hyper-glorification of anything he considers "manly"; fixation on manpain, complete with the liberal use of Fridging Women, or male-on-female rape of the hero's love interest or other close female friend/family, to further the hero's mainpain; fetishization of child soldiers, child sexual abuse, and child abuse in general, all the way to (as you mentioned) making real people think they've gone through it when they haven't; preaching of loyalty to one's leader over everything else; and so on. Those are his *true* personality, the one he hides under the fake outer characters, but it keeps bleeding through every time.
And I think the "under our eyes" part is also crucial, though I'm struggling to articulate it. I think abusing her, in a way his critics can see but cannot prevent, gives him more satisfaction than merely making use of her would. I think it gives him a sense of power to have his detractors state, again and again, what they see going on there, but to still have the ability to convince her otherwise.
I agree completely. To me, that's part of his "hiding in plain sight" method: he can afford to literally gloat about some of the abuse he inflicts, because he knows that either people won't see it, or they'll be powerless to do anything if they do see it (because, unlike him, normal human beings have moral limits, things they won't do, so they won't and can't take the extreme steps that would be necessary to rescue his victims). Among other things, I'm sure he's the one who sent Meg here: she's always been very insistant about not wanting to get involved in The Wank, and she's almost always kept her word on that matter. So why would she suddenly show up on an anon meme dedicated to The Wank? Because he sent her here, to dangle her under our noses, make us hope (no matter how briefly) that maybe we would finally have a chance to get through to her, even as he knew that not only there was no chance of that, but she would come away from the experience even more convinced that the "anti-Andy" people are just bad, hateful and hurtful. He's making a public show of manipulating her, like he did with Abbey for example, and yes, that's crucial and incredibly sick.
Re: Andy B. Cosplay
Oooh boy, do I know what you mean!
I mean, I have heard opinions ranging from "fine with my body even if it isn't what I'd have preferred" to "hate it and want to change it," but no trans person I've ever spoken to has sounded as if they hate their whole SELF.
Same here. I've never met or heard of a trans person who hated every single aspect of themselves just because they were trans (depression is another matter, whether or not it was initially created/encouraged by the gender dysphoria). There are a few trans people who are overwhelmed with *anger* towards people/society/their family/their friends/whoever and even themselves sometimes, because of how hard being trans makes their life in general. There are also too many trans people who are overcome with *despair*, convinced they will never find lasting happiness because being trans will always mess everything up, no matter what they try to do. And there can be internalized shame, too, including in trans people who are out and live as their true gender, but I've never seen it lead to such extensive and complete self-hatred. Andy is utterly unique in my experience in that regard, which is why I'm convinced that while being trans might be one factor among many for his self-hatred, it cannot be THE factor for it.
the number of things he'll hide/lie about/present a pretend version of is all over the map. Politics; degree of attraction to people; what he really thinks of particular body types; authors he admires...I've seen him lie about all of it. It's weird.
I don't know, it seems logical to me, in its own way. The way I see it, Andy doesn't want to be anyone in particular: he just wants to be Special. So he adapts himself to his current social environment, changing whichever parts of his exterior fake identity don't fit well enough to garner him the admiration he seeks. Almost *nothing* we've seen of him at any time has been real. Almost all of it has been fake, aimed at attracting the attention of the crowd he was in at that moment.
I think that's why it's so easy for him to flatly deny stuff he's done, and constantly rewrite history: because it's true that the character he's playing today, never did what that other character he was playing back then did. It's true! Who he pretends to be now never did what happened back then. It was someone else, another person he was pretending to be. And it wouldn't be fair to hold his present character responsible for the sins of his previous character, would it? He *knows* that's considered cheating by us lowly human beings, but 1) he doesn't care to play by our rules (quite the contrary: he expects us to accept to be ruled by his desires), and 2) he knows this tactic works on enough people anyway. So he plays it 110% and keeps getting away with everything. Why would he change a tactic that works so beautifully well?
I'm only talking about his *exterior* personality, though. Basically, he puts on characters like he puts on cosplay, but that doesn't change who he fundamentally is. The problem is that since he absolutely doesn't want to be himself, he's never out of costume. He's cosplaying 24/7, so we have to look at the common trends among his many characters to figure out what belongs to the real him. After 15 years of internet presence, it's starting to become obvious which same obsessions keep re-appearing: extreme misogyny, including body-shaming for *every* type of female body and blatant Madonna-Whore Complex; hyper-glorification of anything he considers "manly"; fixation on manpain, complete with the liberal use of Fridging Women, or male-on-female rape of the hero's love interest or other close female friend/family, to further the hero's mainpain; fetishization of child soldiers, child sexual abuse, and child abuse in general, all the way to (as you mentioned) making real people think they've gone through it when they haven't; preaching of loyalty to one's leader over everything else; and so on. Those are his *true* personality, the one he hides under the fake outer characters, but it keeps bleeding through every time.
And I think the "under our eyes" part is also crucial, though I'm struggling to articulate it. I think abusing her, in a way his critics can see but cannot prevent, gives him more satisfaction than merely making use of her would. I think it gives him a sense of power to have his detractors state, again and again, what they see going on there, but to still have the ability to convince her otherwise.
I agree completely. To me, that's part of his "hiding in plain sight" method: he can afford to literally gloat about some of the abuse he inflicts, because he knows that either people won't see it, or they'll be powerless to do anything if they do see it (because, unlike him, normal human beings have moral limits, things they won't do, so they won't and can't take the extreme steps that would be necessary to rescue his victims). Among other things, I'm sure he's the one who sent Meg here: she's always been very insistant about not wanting to get involved in The Wank, and she's almost always kept her word on that matter. So why would she suddenly show up on an anon meme dedicated to The Wank? Because he sent her here, to dangle her under our noses, make us hope (no matter how briefly) that maybe we would finally have a chance to get through to her, even as he knew that not only there was no chance of that, but she would come away from the experience even more convinced that the "anti-Andy" people are just bad, hateful and hurtful. He's making a public show of manipulating her, like he did with Abbey for example, and yes, that's crucial and incredibly sick.