tf_talk | Continued Discussion (Post 2)

And TB shoots down all of his bullshit:

http://theteablogger.tumblr.com/post/175116944367/bullshit

Oh, Andy. :(

If you really want that second chance, you're going to have to stop digging in the same ditch.

I have to ask, because Andy’s post just has my head spinning. Is he actually conscious of his bullshit, or does he really believe he’s the victim? I’ve been following this since 2005, and I still have trouble completely wrapping my head around it. Two things I am sure of: 1. He’s still indulging in the same behavior he’s done since the Bagenders days. And 2. He can’t possibly be getting the therapy and/or meds he claims, or he really would see his behavior for what it is. The post by his LA host is very damning.

it's the million dollar question isn't it... and one me and a friend have often agonised over. I've been following since 2003, and it never fails to astonish even as I expect it. the fact he never evolves his tactics, that he recycles his tricks, that he treats everyone in the same way...

I do believe Andy is some form of ASPD... and while there are a lot of aspects of his story that are tragic, pathetic and sad... ultimately I suspect that, being sociopathic, Andy knows very well that he's not the victim... he knows that he's full of shit... he knows exactly what he's doing and why... but he just straight up thinks the rules should be different for him. he thinks the norms of society shouldn't apply to him. he sees himself as outside of it. he is hopelessly mediocre - and probably suspects that on some level - but can't allow himself to believe it. he knows he's full of shit and just recycles the same crap over and over... but being sociopathic, he is fundamentally unable to believe other people are as intelligent - usually far more so - than he is. that's why he does this ridiculous shit. he knows it's ridiculous. but he has such overwhelming contempt for the interior worlds of other people, it never occurs to him that others will see straight through it. no matter how many times it happens, over and over, that he is revealed to be no where near as clever or cunning as he thinks, he goes right on believing that he is - because he just straight up has utter contempt for everyone else around him. that's how sociopaths work. I mentioned in another comment I've been following another person in my own country in the BDSM world who has had an astonishingly similar trajectory to andy and every time I read a brilliant analysis of his behaviour and antics, the parallels to this individual shock me (they are both trans men, which I find curious, but I doubt it has much to do with their pathology ultimately - although it is something they have both used to predate on communities of young women). this individual escalates to extreme physical violence, which andy so far hasn't, but everything else about the way they operate - including treating the BDSM community like his own personal playground and forming what is essentially his own secular cult around himself - is startlingly similar. the need for power and control, the self-aggrandisation whilst being utterly mediocre (this other fellow has just as long a history of mooching off others whilst achieving nothing), even faking a terminal illness for over a year. and this same essential contempt for others that prohibits them from accounting for others' intelligence, insight and experience - and so, the games and the tricks remain the same and no evolution is ever made.

the individual here has recently been violent to another woman after several years of silence... and in the fallout, it's now revealed he has abused and been violent to other partners during his supposed 'reformation years'. the BDSM community is very big on forgiveness for abusers (...which of course is because there's so fucking many of them hiding their shit behind the shield of BDSM) so there's a lot of that talk going on now. and after twenty years of warning people about him and it often falling on deaf ears due to his glib charm and manipulative hold, I'm now fighting another battle of trying to make them understand a sociopath will not change because they do not want to - they do not see a reason they should change so they won't. this guy has - just like andy - faked reformation in the past, even to the point of leaving his sharehouse ever day to pretend to attend therapy. every time he's confronted, he cries and cries about how he's just so unwell and wants to change! and the same failure for any true accountability is always there. he had to leave my state in the end, sold his new city he was on a reformation path - only for it now to be revealed he - just like andy - concealed or outright lied about his past deeds.

sociopaths don't change. as hard as it is to accept the reality another human being might be beyond redemption - people like this guy, and andy blake, are the ones you can't afford to waste your compassion on. they just see it as a weakness to exploit, and keep on doing the same old shit.

AYRT

You’re absolutely right on all counts. And I think we can add Narcissist to the list. I was raised and abused by one who to this day believes she was the perfect mother, and everything was my own fault, and she was the victim. A lot of similarities here.

despite the fact molly herself has put it all out there, his attempts to lie to his followers are so brazen - putting it all on the AA blogs, when molly is straight up like... he gave us the heebies and a friend of mine did research and found it all. no one from the AA world reached out to them. they were unsettled enough by the behaviour he presented to investigate on their own, and to believe what they found. and yet, there he is, just straight up saying we chased him down and forced these people to read this stuff... lol... andy, you chump.

also the way andy keeps going on about if he does xyz we'll 'leave him alone' really betrays that he thinks this is all a game he can win. a system he can game, in fact, if he just 'ticks boxes' in a wholly superficial, sloppy, insincere way. he doesn't seem to comprehend that this isn't a performance, he has to actually change his behaviour. as evidenced by the immediate manipulation and control he tried to exercise over his new 'friends'. he misjudged this time - he chose people too mature, too experienced, too stable and too closely knit to dazzle and and scam. the fact he isn't able to more discriminately assess the potential of his targets again highlights his essential contempt for others.

Not to mention, he was left alone. He screwed this one up on his own.

I really hate asking but is the dude in Poland? He sounds like my ex best friend and he mainly was active in mental issues circle as someone who was an activist but then moved to BDSM (in similar manner).

nope. but the patterns of these people tend to be the same no matter who or where they are.

AYRT: True and it is pretty terrifying how many are there and with absurdly specific working methods. That friend I had (and was excellent enabler of) went through similar phases of: fandom (shared HP one with Andy), activism (LGBT which is how I met him), professional period of believing he is grand in things he got praised for (he is, just ... uses the skills pretty much like Andy), BDSM side-activism and then wiped all out. During each phase he was a guru for vulnerable people (that LGBT one came with proper political influence). He targeted young men more but he didn't hold women in high regards either. As far as I know he is not active in anything now but you never know...

"I seriously don't know what to do."

Let me help, Andy. Here's what you do:

1. Stop lying to people all the fucking time for no fucking reason.

2. Get a goddamned job and pay your own way. It doesn't have to be huge or glamorous, and you don't have to forswear your parents' help, but stop expecting random people to pay your rent for the thrill of co-existing in your vicinity.

3. Learn to exist without an audience. You don't need to stick fucking trees in your hair because someone isn't watching you for some fraction of your life. Just take a deep breath and carry on being, even in those seconds when no eyes are on you. I promise you will not blink out of existence.

If Andy's watching and, contrary to all available evidence, really does want to move on, this is great advice. Tell the truth when asked but don't assume everyone wants to hear your life story, pay rent instead of relying on personal connections, learn to live with being boring for a while.

Also, stop being creepy, inappropriate, and just plain nasty to women and trans people.

This is good advice. I would also add: stop expecting to parachute into ready-made social circles and have everybody immediately love you. Nobody likes it when people do that. Make friends in a new city like everybody else does: slowly, one at a time, through work or mutual interests that are actually mutual and not about whether they can introduce you to someone from Critical Role.

Continued Discussion (Post 2)

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